I didn’t always know about conscious parenting.
When I started my own family I had What to Expect When You’re Expecting and What to Expect the Toddler Years. Pretty mainstream modern parenting stuff. I do like to study up and research, so those books were good enough for all the little details my most holy virgo-ness needed to feel adequately prepared for taking care of littles.
Thankfully my natural instincts outweighed some of the advice given by mainstream parenting practices. Unfortunately my ignorance led me into some parenting techniques which were over controlling and downright traumatic in retrospect.
Out of my five children it’s the middle three who grew up in the flux of my transition from mainstream parenting to conscious parenting. All born within 3.5 years of each other. They are teens now, but because of the new insights I gained in researching natural and attachment parenting for my youngest child, they are reaping the benefits of watching and experiencing their mother transform her parenting style for the better.
What follows is a vulnerable recounting of my mistakes. A short history of how I discovered conscious parenting.
I became involved with an energetic vampire. He told me he was a vampire when we met. I didn’t believe him and he was apprehensive about sharing enough to not change my mind. When I finally realized what was going on it was too late. I knew he would drain me of all my energy stores within a few short months.
Needless to say, I went from an awakening and energetically full state to empty and asleep. This dramatically affected how I was to raise my children. There’s so much more, but I best save it for the book. I want to share just enough here to give you some background and fuel your desire to read on as I write more posts on conscious parenting.
Introducing the Lyun, the Morrighan & the Rose.
My oldest son, the Lyun, is now 18. He’s the one who carried the brunt of the outdated mainstream parenting techniques I utilized at the beginning of my parenting journey.
While he slept in my bed until he was six months old we did not continue co-sleeping after that. His father was non-supportive and wanted his bed back. Everyone around me was insistent that I let him cry it out (CIO). The books I had never once mentioned co-sleeping past six months.
So off to his own room and his own crib he went. Big mistake. I couldn’t handle it. It was intense. It was heart breaking. It was insane.
I only let him cry that first night. Upon attempting to put him to bed by himself the second night my instincts refused to allow me leave him to cry by himself in the dark. I swooped in, picked him up and gently rocked him to sleep in the rocking chair while singing to him. I did this every night thereafter. If he would stir in the night I’d hear him on the monitor and go in to him and rock him back to sleep.
Never again would I leave him alone in the dark by himself.
I gave him a turn with me laying down with him until he decided himself that he didn’t need my presence, comfort or songs to send him to sleep. He was 9 when he outgrew me.
I made sure to take turns laying with all three of my children until they were fast asleep. Singing bedtime songs. Cuddling. Too bad this was where most all my energetic stores ran out and was one of the only parenting technique I modified on my own until I had begun regaining my spiritual stores. Another being toddler hand slapping.
Enter the Morrighan, my middle daughter, born 15 months after the Lyun. She’s 16 now. The most turbulent one out of my brood. No wonder either.
When she was ten months old I was influenced by a close friend to begin instituting time-outs. She was the Morrighan’s god-mother and also babysat part-time for me. It wasn’t quite evident to me how one give’s a child that young a time-out. My friend then encouraged me to restrain my child upon my lap until all resistance stopped.
Umm, yeah. Not. Unfortunately for my children I didn’t quite understand how very wrong this was at the time.
The Morrighan learned how to repress her feelings from most of the parenting techniques I used during her formative years. She was also very angry with the eventual split of her father and I. Stuffing her emotions under the pretense of always having to put on her happy face which would result in increasingly dramatic emotional episodes or enraged outbursts.
She grew to hate me until I was finally able to begin applying consciousness parenting techniques to reconnect with teens when she was 14. More on the details of how that worked out at another time.
Along comes the Rose, my youngest daughter. She was born only three months after the Morrighan’s first birthday. My plate was full.
When I was six months pregnant with her my children’s father announced that he would not be paying that month’s rent. He showed up on mother’s day with a Uhaul and his new girlfriend in tow to help move me and the kids back home to my mother.
I was a wreck. I was devastated and couldn’t eat. I weighed less after I gave birth to her than I did when I got pregnant with her. She was a whopping 8 lbs. The largest of my babies. I believe she learned to be energetically needy in gestation. She gobbled up everything in my body to grow while I was not nourishing myself. I couldn’t even nurse her more than a month. I was wiped out.
It was a terrible time for us and it was three more years of on-again, off-again relationship between their father and I. I wasn’t able to focus on them the way I should have. The way I had wanted to. The way I had imagined when I started my family.
The Rose grew up watching what would happen between her older siblings and I. She was scared to death of me as I was demanding and fierce. She didn’t want to end up on the other end of a shout fest or standing in the corner so she behaved to stay out of trouble.
During all of this I had not yet changed my parenting style. I was controlling and unconscious of what was really going on.
After I finally divorced, my mother bought me a copy of The Care And Feeding Of Indigo Children, the follow up to The Indigo Children: The New Kids Have Arrived which I had already read. As I began to re-develop my spiritual practices after the long hiatus during my first marriage I began to interact with my children much differently.
As I reconnected with my intuition and soul purpose, how I approached parenting and my children began to change.
I began to apply what I learned from The Care And Feeding Of Indigo Children. I used the meditations and altered our eating habits. I began to learn how to energetically perceive what was going on with them instead of unconsciously applying the mainstream parenting techniques I had been exposed to as the only method.
An incident occurred with the Lyun at school in the 2nd grade. I began researching homeschooling alternatives and decided to pull all my kids out of public school. In my research on what I needed to do to accomplish this I came across something called life-learning and decided to unschool.
Along with the ideals behind life-learning came a whole host of information on gentle and attachment parenting. I found a treasure trove of information.
Attachment Parenting International
Dr. Sears on Attachment Parenting Discipline
Little Hearts / Gentle Parenting Resources
I became softer, gentler, kinder. I started to seek out ways to parent without punishment.
No one got time-outs or sent to the corner anymore. There were no more unrelated consequences or punitive punishments. Though I did still send kids to their room when I couldn’t handle a volatile situation and I was angry. Finger-wagging and long winded lectures weren’t completely off my list as yet.
While things were improving connection was still an issue. I was disconnected from myself and thus true connectedness with my children was lacking.
Then I met the father of the only child I’ve given birth to that was actually planned in an energetically conscious act of conception.
Introducing my Love Child
The Lyun, the Morrighan and the Rose were 11, 9 and 8 when I became pregnant with my Love Child.
I was driven to learn as much as I could about natural, gentle and attachment parenting for this child. I had seen the grave mistakes I had made with my older three children and how their beings had been affected by them. I was intent on not making the same mistakes with this child.
I spent insane amounts of time researching and reading. Learning about anthropologically raising children, bio-feedback of infant and mother and the neuroscience behind child development. All the research pointed to gentle and attachment parenting being the best methods to use in order for a child to develop into a healthy and happy, well-balanced and secure adult.
Everything I did with him was different.
He was breastfed until he self-weaned at age three. We still co-sleep to this day. He’s five now and talking about how he’s thinking of getting his own bed and room soon. There’s rarely been any force used to get him to cooperate. After taking the time to learn about neuroscience as applied to child development, as well as a bunch of inner transformation on my part, I now possess the patience to allow him to have his angry feelings and not belittle him or force him to be amiable when he cannot.
It was during this transformative time period that I began to seek out information on reconnecting with teens. As my older children moved through the tween years I began to notice how significantly damaged our relationships were. They were acting out or withdrawing completely.
That’s when I discovered conscious parenting. A deeper delve into the gentle parenting theme.
Aha! Parenting – Dr. Laura Markham
Dr Shefali – Conscious Parenting
I immediately began to apply the information to my life and my family relationships. This bled over to ALL of my relationships. My life works better now. I can connect and remain balanced and in a place of present minded awareness much more easily now. The older one’s have watched my transformation.
My kids see how I have been able to overcome my old conditioned patterns and ignorance and grow beyond. Expanding my conscious awareness and applying that to our interactions.
Home life isn’t exactly blissful all the time. We have our issues and our bad days. We all fall into unconscious patterns from time to time. But now, when we do, we are better equipped to handle difficult or stressful situations. We recognize our patterns and misbehavior easier and we reconnect quickly to resolve issues.
As a family we are much more consciously aware of how we interact with each other.
Respect and trust has been built and continue to grow with each significant interaction. And here’s the deal. Every interaction is significant. When you are conscious of the present moment, consciously aware of and empathetic with your children, then connection grows. And, well
That’s where the love grows.
A Google search will give you more information than you may know what to do with. There’s so many orgs, blogs and parenting coach websites rich with information. Go find them.
I have yet to find a single website or blog that fuses spiritualism, mysticism and any of the above mentioned parenting techniques. I aim to change that.
Oh, I almost forgot. I did mention that I am mother to five and I only mentioned four.
I haven’t written about her yet. She’s my oldest. Just turned 22 recently. She’s also extremely psychic and gifted with energetic healing. I didn’t raise her myself. I’ll write that story another time. ❤︎