I haven’t had a serious issue with Mercury going retrograde for a while now. I’ve watched it come, stir things up and rattle my cage, but overall I’ve been able to watch it and flow with it. Allowing myself to learn from it instead of being at odds with it, even amidst the contorted emotional reaction.
But when the shadow of Mercury retrograde hit three weeks ago, I was blindsided. It was so intense, so agonizing, so confusing. I wondered if somehow the astrologers had gotten the dates wrong somehow. Of course they didn’t. So I began to be really apprehensive about what might happen when the retrograde actually came.
Kali Ma visited my psyche during the shadow. I was effectively rendered incapacitated. But I am so glad she came to do her thing with all that has not been working for me. This time round I basically laid myself bare and submitted to Kali’s destruction. I didn’t fight it like I would have a couple of years ago.
Trying to run from Kali Ma is pointless anyway. She’s the phreaking supreme goddess of death! How do you run from that? Simply put, you can’t. You can resist the inner destruction of all that is not worthy, but if you do you’re going to quickly manifest chaos in your life with the outer manifestation of this death not being in line with the inner construct you are holding onto.
By not resisting these life situations, experiences, inner conflict and major perceptual shifting I find myself left with a truer experience, or perception of what my core self actually is and how it needs to express itself. I am discovering more and more each day that I AM indeed The TRUTH. My own truth. And I want that truth to ring clear as a bell.
Sun enters Scorpio.
This Mercury retrograde is happening in Scorpio. A water sign. Water stands for emotions, life and birth, forgiveness and growth. But at it’s core Scorpio represents danger, destruction, death, letting go. Basically the epitome of Shiva, Kali Ma’s consort and equal. My husband’s a Scorpio. The darkest sign in the zodiac. Shiva is channeling himself direct in my house in very distinct ways.
Destruction, death and decay leave fertile ground for new growth, new life, new beginnings. Like the mushrooms and microbes on the forest floor which eat away at and decompose all that has been shed by the forest transforming it into rich fertile soil for new life to spring from. I am not as fearful as I once was about this whole death and rebirth processes. With all that is unworthy, outdated and untrue within me dieing and falling away I am left emptier than ever before, yet this emptiness allows for clearer vision of what truly lies at the core of my being.
Enter Jupiter, Lilith in Cancer.
This aspect is calling us home to the Mother. The aspects of destruction and letting go are necessary to clear the path to Her. Deep connection to the Mother is pure and distortion-free. She supports our ego destruction. She nurtures our re-birth. She energizes our new and improved form with clear direction, deep universal love and plenty of food for the journey. Nurturing food which is actually the decomposed stuffs of our own inner and outer destruction.
This is where I come home to the Mother.
She’s ringing a bell so clear within me that the sound of it pierces every bit of my being. From the depths of my soul to every single cell of my body. In being emptied (read destroyed) there is nothing in the way to muffle the sound of it’s clarity. The more I allow this inner destruction, the more clear and resounding and strong this bell rings. The truth of who and what I really am stands bare naked before me in all Her shining glory.
Here’s a couple links that go over the current astrology: